There’s one simple reason I’ve decided to add the Law of Attraction to my belief system – it is THE single most empowering belief I have stumbled across in my life thus far.
I comprehend that the objective nature of reality can never be proven, as there’s only one thing we know for certain about reality – I think, and therefore I am. More than this I will never know for certain within the constraints of my current perception of my reality. Therefore, in a world that can only ever be subjective in nature, where our beliefs form the basis of the reality and circumstances we are capable of perceiving, my rational choice is to live in a world where I have complete control of the outcome.

How do we set about discovering a set of well grounded beliefs certain to result in a happy, constructive life?

1. Understand yourself

Look inwards. Learn to know what makes you tick and what upsets you. I personally pay a lot of attention to changes in my emotions and try to understand why a certain event brings about a particular reaction. I've discovered I have a set of core beliefs that collectively defines me at my 'lowest' level. With lowest, I am referring to an emotional set point which I cannot drop beyond. In addition, I also hold a set of what I like to call 'operating assumptions'. Operating assumptions are beliefs that I consciously choose to hold (even though I am not entirely convinced of it) because it makes me feel happier and live life more fully. Without my set of operating assumptions in place quite possibly life would seem pointless, painful and unbearable. This is when depression starts to set in. I believe that people who suffer from long term depression has a set of core beliefs which in the absence of some or all of their operating assumptions, make life too unbearable.

What makes an Operating Assumption cave in?
As an operating assumption is merely something I choose to take as true, even though in reality, I actually believe something else, any experience that reinforces the possibility that my core belief holds true and my operating assumption doesn’t, would cause it to fall flat.

Here’s an example:

Core belief: Life is difficult.
Operating assumption: Life is what I make of it. There are plenty of opportunities to attain the life that I want. I just have to open my eyes and take action!
Triggering events: Constantly failing in a particular objective.

So I consciously choose to live my life based on the basis of this operating assumption, but after a while find myself down in the dumps because I can no longer sustain the assumption and finally it caves in and I’m back to square one thinking - Life is difficult!
Right now at this point in time, this particular operating assumption of mine is holding strong. But after an upsetting event, I might end up dropping it and feeling down because I’ve given in to the belief that life is indeed difficult.

I’m still trying to figure out how to escape this ongoing cycle. How could I permanently raise my core beliefs to equal my operating assumptions so that I can avoid the accompanying lows? I suppose I have to prove it to myself one way or another and only as a result of that, my core belief will change. After all, I can only believe what I hold to be true based on my life experiences up till now. I guess realising the distance to go between a particular belief and assumption is the first step… Perhaps the answer is to look for reinforcements in our lives that will start to move us in the direction of the assumption, and as a result slowly move the lever closer and closer… until we finally achieve a higher core belief, and hopefully as a result become a happier person with a happier life.

So then, how do we move that lever? Here’s a few quick pointers I‘m using myself:

1. Learn through example

Start paying attention to the opinions and mindsets of people around you - especially those that seem happier than you are. Try to see if there are differences in how they observe the world compared to your own view. If you can't figure out where they're coming from, ask. Ask them and really listen to their perspective. To change requires an openness to new ways of seeing things. Once you see a view that you can relate to, absorb it into your own system… it will start off as an operating assumption of course, but over time as you observe more reinforcements of this new ‘truth’ it could become a new part of your belief system.

2. Venture out

Do something different. Hang out with a new bunch of people. The importance of having new experiences should not be underestimated. New experiences opens up new avenues of knowledge. The saying "what you don't know won't hurt you", is true, but so is the reverse. Lack of knowledge could disempower you without you even being aware of it. Read, research, live and experience life. Take it all in and let the best of your experiences shape you and set the pace for your future experiences.

4. Persist
Don’t give up.
At times it may be hard, but don’t stay down. And don’t indulge too much in feeling low. Remember, your brain sculpts itself around your behaviour. The more you persist with your new outlook, the more natural it will start to be to see things from the new perspective.

5. Experiment
If at first a new concept enters your life that you cannot relate to, give it a chance. Take for example the ‘Law of Attraction’. Holding this belief must be the most empowering one you could ever absorb, but to most of us it’s such a foreign way of looking at things, that we just want to dismiss it and label it as wishful thinking. You can ask me… I’m not there yet, but I’ve remained open to it, and I cannot ignore the unlikelihood of the coincidences I keep noticing. Sometimes life seems totally surreal, like one long dream that I’m just not waking up from and I just laugh and smile to myself. It’s quite odd. Even though I’m totally aware of the strange coincidences that’s happening in my life, it’s not like I can say ’Hey, caught you, you can come out now… ’ . Haha, I must sound totally nuts! But it’s true. So many times I just shake my head and smile. Where does it all end? I just seem to go ever deeper down the rabbit hole!

6. Take a step back
I’ve learned the importance of taking a step back and observing myself and my life from an ‘external’ perspective. I’ll look at myself as though I’m looking at someone else. Of course, I cannot be sure I would observe another person in the same way, but it helps me to see where I’m going… A part of me also feel that even though I associate with my physical entity and I have access and direct control over only my own mind and physical body, I simultaneously feel connected to others around me. There’s a possibility that it may be the ‘Law of attraction’ mindset kicking in, but I sometimes feel in tune with my surroundings, almost to the extent where I feel that I may actually be influencing it on more than a superficial level..

Update on 24 March 2008:
Very Highly recommended reading - discusses the role of the conscious and subconscious (and where beliefs enter the equation) in shaping behaviour:
http://www.brucelipton.com/article/mind-over-genes-the-new-biology

I wonder whether the majority of people realise that in reality we are still completely in the dark as to how to treat depression effectively? Forget about treating depression for a moment and take a step backwards - do we even know what REALLY causes depression?? There’s been little progress despite the anti-depressant industry being worth billions of dollars... In addition, there's been no real widely adopted advances since the 1950s when SSRIs first came onto the scene!

Are you feeling stuck, repeating the same cycles or not comfortable taking brain altering drugs just to get through the day? There may be a much milder AND more effective alternative. This article introduces a new approach based on our core beliefs.

My interest in this topic was triggered by recent findings that made the news headlines Tuesday (26 Feb 08) evening. A recent trial found that SSRIs are only marginally more effective at treating depression than placebo tablets!!!! This is obviously very alarming news, considering there are countless people relying on these drugs, not to even mention those on the brink of seeking help and seeing antidepressants as a way to bear their painful existence… What happens now?

Well, what happens is we find another way! I think it’s time the wider public realises that we don’t know enough about how the brain/mind works to start tinkering with it’s mechanisms… Just have a look at how SSRIs really work! I never realised until now that it actually decreases the number of serotonin receptors in the brain. This means it actually changes the brain, rather than just temporarily blocking the re-uptake of serotonin in the presynaptic cell. Wikipedia can give you more information about how that works… I’m going to take my time to explain my own methods instead! If it’s all too technical for you, just have a read through the side effects - teeth clenching anyone?

Other than the different antidepressant variants, another popular and current method of treating depression is of course psychotherapy. Due to the high cost, long treatment times and general slow and impermanent nature of results it is not really a viable option for all depressed patients. The efficacy of the therapy is amongst others a factor of the skill of the therapist, the approach taken and level of depression of the patient.

A point to consider is, do any of these psychiatrists and neuroscientists suffer from depression themselves? Probably in most cases, they don’t. As depression is clearly an illness that manifests at the level of the mind, is it really the sort of thing someone can comprehend fully without experiencing it first hand for themselves?

In addition, does it actually matter whether depression is ‘caused’ by a chemical imbalance, lack of adequate social or life skills (resilience), flexibility of mind or attitude?

Lets consider for a moment how the brain of a depressed person compares to that of a happy individual. (In reality there are many neurotransmitters that affect a person’s mood, but for the purposes of making my point, lets use serotonin as an example.) It is believed that depressed individuals have relatively lower levels of serotonin signaling (through chemical synapses) in the brain. If we consider this from a chemical (brain) perspective, this can be due to:
(1) lower availability of serotonin in the brain (through lower levels of production)
(2) higher number of serotonin receptors - more receptors could mean with even the same amount of serotonin a cell would require more serotonin to cause the same signal strength
(3) more serotonin is re-absorbed back into the presynaptic cell rather than being passed on to the post-synaptic cell. This is where SSRIs come in - they bind with the receptors on the presynaptic cell instead so as to block the re-uptake of serotonin and have more available to bind with the post-synaptic cell and therefore cause a stronger signal.

What’s really critical to understand here is the link between the chemical imbalance described above and the state of mind that would necessarily accompany it. Basically, we cannot on a chemical level have weak serotonin signaling and at the same time have a positive, happy mind. The brain and mind are interconnected. This brings me to my point - whether or not the cause of depression is in the brain (chemical imbalance) or in the mind (negative outlook) is actually irrelevant - we cannot have one without the other. That could therefore imply that we could cure depression from both sides - the mind (psychotherapy) and the brain (antidepressants). One approach should automatically fix the other as the two go hand in hand. Based on options available to depressed individuals today, the duality of the problem (or rather solution) is confirmed.

Given where we are today in terms of safe and effective antidepressants, and the high cost associated with psychotherapy, our society is badly in need of an effective solution. Some reports claim that as many as 1 out of 6 adults are suffering from depression! And how many of the remaining 5 out of 6 of us are actually happy, successful individuals living their dream life??? I think we are down to only a fraction of society actually attaining the levels of blissfulness we are all seeking.

With that said I think it’s time for us to move away from the “victim” based framework. Here’s an example of the sort of thinking we are entertaining:
Individual is not loved enough as a child => Individual needs therapy or drugs to deal with these feelings and become a well adjusted member of society.

The truth is, very few (if any) of us would qualify for not being victims. Statistics claim that about 70% of families are dysfunctional (by definition!) and that the majority of today’s kids associate more with the Simpsons family than any other on TV!

We need to move on and consider what it is that forms the basis of who we are as individuals. Who we are fundamentally is what really determines whether or not we are predisposed to depressive stints.

What causes me to be the person that I am?

I see myself as a product of my life experiences up till now and feel that my basic character was formed quite early on as I learned about life and as such built up my personal set of beliefs about myself, the world and my place in it. Over time my view of the world has expanded and my character has evolved together with my view. At some point along the way I’ve realised that my beliefs are different to the beliefs of others. At yet a further point I’ve realised that I can consciously choose the beliefs I would like to have. Now I’m on a journey to build up a healthy set of beliefs that would serve me well, rather than keep me stuck at the level I am now.

The first step is discovering which mindset (view) is the most beneficial. I think we could benefit tremendously from studying commonalities in fundamental beliefs in happy, successful, inspired people versus those of the unhappy and depressed amongst us.

If we go through this process and we discover that there is an indeed a common set of shared beliefs amongst our happy counterparts and a shared set amongst the unhappy ones, wouldn’t the best next step be to tackle these beliefs one by one? Imagine if you could get a list called “This is what happy people believe”. Wouldn’t that be a great start to getting your own list fixed?

I intend this to be the first of a series of articles dedicated to what I would collectively title ‘Core belief selection therapy’. Over the next few weeks I will be exploring the most empowering beliefs versus the most depressing ones. In addition I would tackle possible methods for actually acquiring new beliefs and letting go of those that do not serve us. Unfortunately it‘s not a process that happens overnight for most people. Fortunately though, it just might be the light at the end of the tunnel for many of us!

Update on 24 March 2008:
Very Highly recommended reading - discusses the role of the conscioua and subconscious (and where beliefs enter the equation) in shaping behaviour:
http://www.brucelipton.com/article/mind-over-genes-the-new-biology

I'm still at the office (yes I have a normal 9 to 5 office job!! Still working on generating that passive income ;)), just about getting ready to leave for the day and start my weekend, but decided to first add another blog entry to my site. It's quite funny how simply coming up with something to write about can be the hardest part of a new blog entry for me!

I'm on a bit of a mission to be an all round happier person these days so whenever I get the chance to think about something willingly my mind always jumps to thoughts about improving my life - most specifically my day to day feelings and attitude. Today's little thought is - would it be possible for me start behaving in such away as to no longer have any regrets? I'm talking about fairly substantial regrets that if you had a choice you would go about differently and even wish you had the opportunity to go back and undo things.

Fortunately for me, not many of those have come along, and most of my regrets in my life have revolved around relationships - both with family and romantic relationships. Somehow, any mistakes I might make relating to other aspects of my life, doesn't quite qualify for classification as a regret. Altogether I've had three such regrets thus far. Two of those relate to romantic relationships and the other the relationship I had with my father, especially towards the last few years of his life.

I'm not about to go into any sort of depth into any of the stories, but I would like to touch on what I believe the real cause of the regret has been each time. Starting with my first regret in life, this happened roughly towards the early part of 2005. I basically found myself regretting entering into a relationship with someone in the first place. Based on an array of feelings that occurred over the course of this relationship, I regret the judgment I had formed of this person's character as I was completely wrong in my perception. As a result I paid a heavy price and felt that I had gained nothing from the experience. I even refused to let it change my outlook in life. I refused to learn and benefit indirectly from this experience! I guess where that leaves me today is - everyone makes mistakes and they're difficult to avoid if you choose to live life fully. I'm not going to go and put myself into a cage! ;)

My next regret came along towards the end of 2006. From this experience I have definitely learned, and learned the hard way, that is! This is by far my biggest regret in life. My regret is that I failed to ever step out of my shoes as a daughther and relate to my father as a fellow human being. So, even though my father passed away when I was already an adult (aged 26), my relationship with him didn't evolve at the same pace I did and I'm sure he did too. It's like what we had at the time of his death was just based on a shell of the father daughter relationship we had with me as a young adult while I was still living in South Africa. I basically lived my life on auto-pilot, so as time went by with me living in the UK, we spoke on the phone less and less and I never paid any conscious attention to cultivating a better relationship with him, despite knowing at the back of my head that he didn't have much time. I really question and fail to understand how I had not thought about this. I only really needed to think about it a little bit more than I did, and I would've awoken from the bubbled existence I seemed to have had back then. Even though this was a hard lesson for me to learn, it is the main reason I've become so passionate about living life consciously and making real choices in life. I don't think any of us really comprehend how easily the unconscious mind takes control of who we are. Sure, I might just be looking for an out, as I obviously am still struggling with major feelings of guilt and regret. But, then again, why would I be so shaken by the experience if I had consciously chosen this? That's my whole point, I never did. Not at the time anyway, but probably somewhere along the way when I was younger.

My last regret once again relates to relationships. This is a rather strange one and I'm not entirely sure why I regret this or even if I really would once enough time passes. I think I regret the fact that I was confronted with a difficult choice and possibly dissapointed someone along the way. I guess it's a little easier to be the one that's hurt rather than having to deal with letting someone else down? In this case, I don't even know if the affected person cared at all, but still just the fact that the possibility exists is enough. I don't know.

Perhaps having regrets means that in essence we do not really fully understand why a certain event had to come about exactly as it did in the first place, but still realising it was all under my control and that I had made a big mistake with some rather unfortunate repercussions!

I guess my verdict on my question, can I live a life without regrets, is that maybe having regrets is not something I should try to avoid as of itself. As a person that takes responsibility for myself and my circumstances it's inevitable that mistakes will be made and regrets will be had. Perhaps it is rather the way I deal with it that needs changing?

I actually have to think quite long and hard to figure out what exactly it is that inspires me. How often do I even feel inspired? Other than the odd inspirational movie, book or person that crosses my path, there's not really much!

Maintaining that inspired feeling is even harder. That feeling of enthusiasm and lust for life is one of the things that makes life so worthwhile and gets the creative juices flowing. I wonder if I could perfect a way to inspire myself consistently and easily? Can I habituate feeling inspired, enthusiastic and excited?

I guess I need to look inwards and think back to the last time I felt inspired. Let me see... that was yesterday afternoon. I thought that I came up with quite a good business idea and couldn't wait to research it to see how plausible the idea really was. In the end, my enthusiasm slowly waned as I realised that what I need is not readily available out there and in the end the amount of effort and associated risk probably meant it wasn't a great idea.

And before then? Hmmm? I'll have to get back to that sometime. Time to go now...

Got some great ideas? Feel free to post them in the forum

Up until a few months ago, the possibility of whether I could be addicted to my emotions is one that’s never crossed my mind. I have no reason to ever consider that, surely?! How could I be addicted to my emotions, if the emotions that I’m feeling at any one time, is purely in reaction to my circumstances? Isn’t that perfectly rational and how every other person perceives their emotional state of mind too? I recall saying to others countless number of times, how I can control and therefore take responsibility for my actions, but yet my feelings (emotions) happen first, and are merely an honest reflection of the situation… No one’s ever argued with me.

The notion that I could be addicted to my emotions was initially suggested to me when I watched “What the bleep do we know?“ At the time I found it intriguing but unfortunately I got so distracted by the scientific explanation of peptides and how they cause us to be addicted to our emotions, that I actually failed to really absorb this idea, until yesterday that is. Incidentally, I asked someone else to watch that part of the movie as I wanted his view on peptides and carried on doing something else and only listened to it in the background, not even really trying to pay attention. That was when Adam Angle's words jumped out at me…
His reasoning was:
If we define an addiction as that which we do but do not have control over
And we say we cannot control our emotions…
Does it not hold that we are addicted to our emotions?

I don’t know what you think of that, but what kind of logic is this??? Ha! To me it sounded like he was just conveniently stating his definition in such a way that it would seem rational, but he’s losing the plot in a very obvious way! So I went on to explain to my friend what a ridiculous conclusion this man was drawing… and then as I said it, I suddenly considered the (then remote) possibility of not automatically feeling. Can we control our emotions? Funnily enough, the answer to that is a very obvious yes! In fact, I have to control my emotions all the time. (Just think about how we attach so much value to behaving appropriately, etc. This is not the same as stifling emotions by the way.) Why was it so absurd to me when it was suggested that I do have the potential to control my feelings and therefore could very well be addicted to my emotions? It was absurd only because I had never approached it quite from this angle. And now, now that I see what he means, where does it leave me?

I’d like to stick to my guns and defend my point of view as no one wants to know when they’ve been doing something wrong for 27 years! Despite the realisation coming late, I’d rather it be late than never!! My question to you now is – where do you stand? Have you always known that your feelings do not have to happen automatically? I hope for your sake you’ve known this. And if you hadn’t, then I’m glad I’ve taken the time to put this down in writing to share with you.

This article is going to turn out quite long, but allow me and please read on. I want to take this yet another step further. My next point ties in with how peptides affect us. I would really advise you to read up on this topic if you are, just like me, curious about how our minds work. I’d hate for you to take my word for it alone. I’m going to try out, researcher and pharmacologist, Candace Pert’s book - ‘Molecules of emotion’ as I’d love to be more knowledgeable on this topic. Here’s also an interesting link I found to an interview with Candace Pert.

However, to explain things in simple terms – In reaction to a craving by our cells (motivated by the number of receptors for these peptides our cells have) our brain (hypothalmus) produces peptides. The minute we feel an emotion, the matching peptide will be released by the amygdalae (part of brain responsible for processing emotion and memory) which can then slot into our cells’ receptors. Smokers have nicotine receptors (in fact I believe all people have some which is why smoking is so dangerously addictive), while cocaine (and also other recreational drugs) serve the dopamine receptor. In terms of emotions, our brain produces peptides and we have matching receptors for our emotions too! These cells I’m referring to, incidentally is not just in the brain, but everywhere in the body. As an addiction develops, our cells actually develop an increased number of receptors matching the peptide or externally taken drugs we are addicted to. This is why stronger dosages of drugs (nicotine, cocaine, etc.) would be needed to create the same effect. As our addiction grows so does the number of receptors.

{Peptides are molecules formed by linking amino-acids in a certain order. Amino Acids are the building blocks of protein.}

Getting back to my point, if it holds that we may indeed be addicted to our emotional states and this is caused by the interaction between peptides and receptors, where does circumstantial triggers fit in? Before I was aware of any of the science behind my emotions, I was under the impression that my emotional states were caused by external situations - Circumstances that are external and therefore outside of my control. This is where I pause. Yes, this is where I pause, and initially refuse to acknowledge what this new angle confronts me with. Does this imply that in reality we create the circumstances around which our addictive emotions can rationally surface?

Are we just as blatantly addicted to our emotions as the smoker to his cigarettes? And instead of merely popping into the corner shop to feed our addiction, do we inadvertently orchestrate our lives around our emotional addictions?

Scoff the idea all you like, in fact that’s how I managed to absorb it in the first place, but whatever you do, don’t just reject it out of hand.

By now most of us must have heard of the Law of Attraction and thanks to the likes of Oprah Winfrey and Larry King we may even have been introduced to the The Secret.

So we know the big "secret", and we're keeping a positive, open mind and trying to feel good. Yet, we're still here. It's been a few months, and nothing has really changed. Why isn't it working? I don't think there's anything wrong with the concept or what the teachers of the secret are saying. Only, it's not as easy as they claim it to be. Really getting into the 'feeling place' takes a lot more than artificially trying to maintain or attain a good mood. A lot of people claim to have the answer, but so far I've not found it. I've been experimenting with and researching meditation and I think I may just be onto something. I believe to really attract the life we want, we need to change the way we think on a fundamental level. Superficial affirmations and visualisations are getting us nowhere!

So this weekend I've taken the time to experiment as promised, and so far my actual experience with meditation has not been especially fruitful (yet!). Patience and persistence are great virtues!. I've done 3 sessions so far by trying some free guided meditation samples on the internet.

To compensate nicely for my current limited experience, I stumbled across some very interesting clips on YouTube. There's altogether twelve 10 minute clips. Here's the first of the series: Down to a science, Meditation 1 of 12. This is a recording of a presentation and informal discussion on Mindfulness Meditation at the Down to a Science Cafe by Philippe Goldin, clinical psychologist and neuroscientist at Stanford. I definitely recommend seeing it when you have the time.

What I've realised though, is that my expectation of what meditation is and what it could achieve was completely wrong. It is not like self-hypnosis at all. In my opinion, mindfulness meditation is about becoming conscious of those things normally handled by the subconscious mind (e.g. breathing) with the aim to get ourselves off of auto-pilot. Meditation does not allow us to tap into the power of the subconscious, instead it re-empowers the conscious mind to have the option to intervene during habitual thinking and behaviour.

Let me recap, the aim of meditation is to become aware of that which is normally subconscious.

So hopefully that makes sense, but why is that meaningful at all?

Imagine if we could re-gain control (of ourselves) by training our brains to get used to not being on auto-pilot. So, effectively, by getting into the 'habit' of being mindful (more conscious) we create spaces (if I remember correctly from what Philippe Goldin was saying) in our thinking, thereby allowing us to choose and therefore think before we act. This may not sound like a significant achievement, but to someone who has realised how hard it is to change themselves (especially deeply ingrained ways of thinking) it can be very powerful. My article, The inflexible brain touches on exactly this topic.

It's quite unbelievable, but after my initial experiences with meditation this weekend, I honestly could not see the point and thought that maybe it just wasn't for me. But that was only because I didn't really understand what I was trying to achieve.

What I've realised, is that meditation could be the missing ingredient I've always looked for. I see myself as an individual who are very interested in improving my character and although I've never actually gotten as far as throwing in the towel, I have found making progress painfully slow. On many occasions I've drawn the conclusion that I just cannot change certain parts of myself. I've come a long way, but not even close to what I really aspire to achieve.

Could meditation really be the key to becoming a more flexible individual? Someone who sees their flaws and simply changes their behaviour with no self-limiting beliefs standing in their way? If meditation is the key and if the Law of Attraction is in fact a powerful universal law, life could turn out to be very, very interesting indeed!

Further Reading:
Science Explores Meditation's Effect on the Brain

25 January 2008:

It seems the buzz word at the moment amongst personal development gurus, and especially the Law of Attraction enthusiasts, is meditation. A few years ago I used to associate meditation with spirituality. Nowadays, it appears to be an essential tool for personal growth. It seems everyone is doing it. Is it time for me to jump on the bandwagon?